On writing and blogging

"For the most part, writing is a selfish and self-centered profession. And the essay, as E.B. White has remarked, is probably the most egoistic of all forms." -Alan Lightman

It both flatters and slightly freaks me out whenever I hear of total strangers reading-- and presumably enjoying-- my blog. The other night at the Yao dinner party (and no Heidi, not your Yao house in Greenmeadows :p), Sam Ang's brother asked me out of the blue if I had attended a wedding in the province recently. When I asked him how he knew, he said he had read about it in my blog. Apparently, his friend Jonathan a.k.a. JoLiao (whom I have never met in my entire life), brother of my former student Karen, had referred him to my blog when he spotted Shereen's name mentioned. Why Jonathan reads my blog is still beyond me, but I appreciate it nevertheless.

Writing is a very self-indulgent activity; blogging even more so. When Matthew asked me what I usually blog about, for a second, I was stumped. "Anything and everything" seemed like a safe response, but if I'm being completely honest, then the more precise answer would be simply "me". Blogging serves as both catharsis for pent-up emotions and wayward thoughts, as well as caters to one's inner exhibitionist (as oxymoronic as that sounds). When one writes for public consumption (and come one, let's face it, blogging is public, no matter how many "friends only" settings or cyber-pseudonyms one uses to construct the illusion of privacy), there is a certain egocentricity involved. If you are a fellow blogger, chances are you blog for any of the following purposes: 1) to share experiences; 2) to recount events; 3) to express ideas/opinions; 4) to vent positive/negative energy; 5) to harness creative juices. And all of those have a commonality among them: they all revolve around YOU. And since you chose to do your writing through a very accessible and very public medium, then that indicates either you wanted people to react to what you've written, or at the very least know what you've written. Never mind if they know who you are or not. The point is, your words are out there for the whole world to read, and don't tell me that's not a cry for attention.

True, sometimes we get the occasional stalker or an unwelcome bloghound or 2. But that's an occupational hazard of being a blogger. If you're so concerned about who gets to peek into your innermost thoughts and feelings, then write in a friggin' diary, complete with lock and key. Or just don't write about deeply personal, sensitive stuff that might become tabloid fodder (no offense meant to you-know-who-you-are ;p).

I have no qualms admitting that I like receiving comments on and about my blog, that I like the idea of having an actual following out there with nothing better to do than read about me, me, me. I also enjoy taking all my chaotic thoughts and opinions and feelings and ideas to churn out organized (well, mostly organized anyway), sensible, occasionally profound, sometimes funny and hopefully always entertaining prose. Blogging is-- in all senses of the phrase-- "me time", and it's the best kind of "me time" I have in the middle of a busy workday or a stressful week. I get to focus on myself, and I get others to train their attention on me as well.

So perhaps Alan Lightman and E.B. White were right, that all writers are, on varying levels, self-absorbed egomaniacs. Well I love writing, and yes, I love myself. And if you're reading this, then maybe you love my writing--and me-- too. Thanks for your 5 minutes. :)