Friday, February 03, 2006

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you?

Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but as the day of Hanks's departure for Beijing looms nearer, I can feel my separation anxiety consuming my insides. Sure, I survived half a year in Beijing away from her 4 years ago, but somehow it's not the same thing now that she's the one going away for 5 months. When you're the one going away, you have plenty to keep yourself occupied with: new environment to adjust to, new people to meet, new things to learn. It's easy to keep homesickness at bay when you're busy and having fun. But this time I'm the one who has to sleep in our bedroom alone. I'm the one who sees all her stuff lying around. I'm the one who goes on with my daily routine without one of the most essential parts of it.

I guess I never realized just how attached I am to my sister, that the mere thought of 5 months away from her makes me want to cry. Sure, I can rationalize that the months will go by in a blink anyway (January came and went like a quick spring shower; I barely felt it before it evaporated). But I know I will be spending those months worrying and wondering and missing and pining like a fool. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I'll be accompanying her to Beijing next week to help her find a dorm room and get settled down. I get an extra week with her, but I'm also the one who has to physically leave her behind.

I'm so effing depressed.

4 Comments:

At Friday, February 03, 2006, Anonymous mishymishy said...

That's so sweet, Ailee. Don't worry I'm sure you'll manage just fine for the next 5 months. There's YM, email, Skype, text messaging and your blog to keep you two in touch =) Hanks'll be back before you know it. If you want I can be your adopted cyber-shobe for the next few months, hehe. =P

 
At Friday, February 03, 2006, Blogger Ailee Through the Looking Glass said...

Haha, thanks a lot for the concern Mishy! But I must protest and remind you that you are older than me, so no way can you be my shobe, in cyberspace or in real life. xp

 
At Saturday, February 04, 2006, Anonymous ange said...

This isn't really any comfort, bu won't you two be separated in the future too, when you guys will have your own families? Think of this as a dry run-perhaps a glimpse of what it would be like in the future. Or if not, then keep yourself as busy as possible, and like she says, there are a lot of ways to keep in touch. :)

 
At Saturday, February 04, 2006, Blogger Ailee Through the Looking Glass said...

Oh trust me, when that time comes I'll be crying buckets!! Such a sentimental wuss when it comes to my sibs. But I'll survive. :p It will just take some getting used to at first. In many ways, though it may not look like it, my sister's stronger than I am, so maybe that's why I'm having the harder time dealing with the separation.

 

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