Monday, August 01, 2005

Defeating the doldrums

I have been down in the dumps lately. Now normally a proud, arrogant intellectual snob like me doesn’t like admitting that she succumbs to something as pathetic as depression, but there has undeniably been a cloud of gloom hanging over me since last week. I have been trying my best to shake it off (immersing myself in work, Star Trek DVD marathons, and visits to Max Brenner), but nothing seems to beat my blues (I even neglected my blogging for a few days). Finally, I came up with an action plan that I deliberately decided to set in motion today, the first of August (new month, new start).

Step one of my plan: I am going to exercise. The past few months I have been getting fatter and fatter from lack of physical exertion (I miss my badminton days with AP-Annex!) and excessive pigging out. I’ve never been one to obsess over my looks, but there comes a point when a girl looks into the mirror and just has to go, “Damn, I’m HUGE.” However, I draw the line at dieting and depriving myself of everything; I will just cut back on certain sinful indulgences (auf wiedersehen, Haagen-Dazs!). So exercise it must be. From August onward, I will use our treadmill every night for at least half an hour. I figure it’s not only a healthy way to let off negative energy, it will also help me feel better about myself once I start losing some unwanted pounds and inches.

Step two: I will surround myself with people who make me feel good. Some of my students are very good at this, although they may not even realize how they brighten up my day. My siblings are my favorite source of comfort after a long, hard day. My personal shrink Maddy is amazing, and does not charge me for sessions. A quick text or YM message to my guru Sir Tirol clears my head right away. I miss AP-Annex and my darling LM girls—we’re long overdue for another dinner out. Above all, I miss my best friend: the person who knows me best, and who puts up with me even when I’m being unreasonable, selfish or insensitive. Even when I’m in a dark mood, even when we’re not in touch, the mere idea that she’s out there gives me a sense of peace.

Step three: I will watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this weekend. It’s not that there’s anything special about the movie, it’s that I haven’t gone out to see a movie in ages. I need some escapism in my life. I need to be entertained, and TV is not enough (CSI is the only show nowadays that keeps me engaged). The quality of my leisure reading also needs to improve; the book I’m reading now is just not doing it for me (Douglas Adams’ “Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency,” which I thought would be a scream like HHGG but is turning out to be more of a feeble yelp). My radio listening habits have taken a turn for the better recently, ever since I switched stations from 89.9 (too much bad pop and OPM that makes a mockery of the O in OPM) to 103.5 (good bands, great classics and smart DJs), so at least I’m headed in the right direction already in that aspect of my entertainment life.

Bottom line: I’m not going to allow myself to wallow in this funk I’m in. Here’s hoping my three-point plan helps. I’m determined to kick the crap out of this so-called depression and live strong (supplement to my three-point plan: I will wear my Lance Armstrong wristband more often). Besides, I’m too much of a proud, arrogant intellectual snob to stay down in the dumps for long.

11 Comments:

At Tuesday, August 02, 2005, Blogger Anica said...

Have fun with your action plan! :)

I like "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". It's better than the first one, the one made a long, long time ago. I like Johnny Depp's performance here, second favorite after his performance in "Pirates of the Carribean". He's a bit of a psycho (NICE!) and a sarcastic confused person, but all for a reason. He's actually more of a child here than a man who owns this huge chocolate factory.

**Depression is a state of mind, really. It contributes to aging since more muscles are being used to frown than to smile. It's a good thing you're getting out of it. :D

 
At Wednesday, August 03, 2005, Blogger Ailee Through the Looking Glass said...

"He's actually more of a child here than a man who owns this huge chocolate factory." -I think that was Roald Dahl's point. Only a child at heart can truly appreciate the wonders and joys of candy, especially chocolate... although women seem to love chocolate more than men, have you noticed? A guy once asked me "What is it with women and chocolate?" and I answered, "It's comfort food... it gives us comfort from guys like you." :p

 
At Wednesday, August 03, 2005, Blogger Anica said...

I actually don't understand why it's comfort food. Personally, I think it adds to problems later on, you know, more pimples and extra pounds. Well, at least for me it works that way. :) I tried to eat a lot of chocolate once for the heck of it (not really depressed or with so much problems), and it resulted with me having a really raspy voice that I did not dare eat that much chocolate ever again. The pain! :D

While watching the movie, I was also eating chocolate. Haha. Actually, only 2 pieces. Do you know the brand of chocolate, Guylian? Mmmm...Belgian chocolate. Sweet... :)

 
At Wednesday, August 03, 2005, Blogger Ailee Through the Looking Glass said...

I prefer dark, bittersweet chocolate myself. :) But my favorite chocolate bar of all time is still Snickers. Drool.

 
At Wednesday, August 03, 2005, Blogger Elyse said...

wow. i can't imagine ailee religiously exercising! haha! btw, you weren't alone. Had to snap out of depression too. Plus the fact that my gwama already passed away last week. I'm fine:) Though its a struggle cause naglalapse ako. Quite vulnerable. Like you, I miss AP-ANNEX a lot and teaching of course.Everything that goes with it. Hay. Couldn't agree with you more that teaching was our golden years:)

Let's have a good chat sometime :)take care!

 
At Thursday, August 04, 2005, Blogger Ailee Through the Looking Glass said...

My condolences to you and your family. Now I feel sort of stupid for feeling "depressed" when my reasons are pretty superficial in comparison. Goes to show we should always focus on appreciating what we have, instead of lamenting what we don't.

 
At Friday, August 05, 2005, Blogger Elyse said...

nah. i believe concerns are relative. We cannot discount the reality that its their and has to be resolved no matter what it is. I've learned not to belittle certain concerns or put judgment cause what may be small for a person may be big for another. That may be the biggest trial a person has encountered so far :) see you wednesday!:) my treat:)

 
At Friday, August 05, 2005, Blogger Ailee Through the Looking Glass said...

Haha, I think Margaux was just kidding, but thanks in advance! ;p I for one will keep up our end of the bargain, I intend to go shopping for your gift tonight! Hehe. Already have something in mind. :)

 
At Friday, August 05, 2005, Anonymous Jac said...

Whopdeedoo..speaking of radio stations. I used to listen to Wave 88.3. They mostly play feel-good music back when i was in the Phil. Give it a shot and lemme know if it's your cup of tea. :)

 
At Friday, August 05, 2005, Blogger Ailee Through the Looking Glass said...

I used to listen to 88.3 too. :) But I prefer 103.5 because the music they play has more of an edge, and I can only take so much "easy listening." Hehe.

 
At Friday, August 05, 2005, Blogger Ailee Through the Looking Glass said...

I just realized that my three-point plan did not even mention what others might think an obvious solution to defeating depression: finding a boyfriend. Hahaha. I guess I may be depressed, but not desperate. That's encouraging.

 

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